


Lack of a Soulmate (and what it does to a man)

by HiraKiaShi



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Not A Happy Ending, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Soulmate AU, just a lot of angst, relationship recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 14:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12014988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiraKiaShi/pseuds/HiraKiaShi
Summary: By the time Poe is a young adult, his soulmate's name was already given to him, scribed across his wrist in messy cursive.Due to his Family and their close connections with the force, Ben will never be given a soulmate. He was told this directly after taking apprenticeship under his Uncle.It's for the best, they all said, Including himself. Being bonded with a Skywalker never seems to go well.Poe learns this curse the hard way.





	Lack of a Soulmate (and what it does to a man)

**Author's Note:**

> I know it is tagged at Poe/Finn but the beginning is circulated around Poe's past relations with Ben before his Betrayal.  
> I'm casually editing this as I go but please consider:  
> Everything here is a bunch of drabbles I had scattered about. Simply put a soulmate Au where the theory "KYLO REN IS AN UNDERCOVER SPY" is true.  
> I cherry picked the nice parts and made a decent timeline with it.  
> I think.

 

Anakin Skywalker; completely succumbed to the dark side and became Darth Vader once he was told his love died. Only few could confirm that his wrists were completely barren of a name.

Leia Organa; after bearing a child to the great war hero, her lover flees and hardly ever gives time to her or their child. Han Solo's name only appeared on her left wrist when he was gone. 

Luke Skywalker; His wrists were just as barren as his father's. He never searched for love after finding out about his father's history. He chose a life of comfortable solitude. 

The Skywalkers are the only known line of family that never seem to truly have a soulmate. Many believe it's just another cruel twist of their fates, the force trying to keep them from something as distractive as a soulmate, but love is an entirely different power. A power that clashed brutally with The Force. 

Ben was told this just before turning twenty. Before, he only believed that it was a late bloomer situation. An extremely late one, but he was never really given time to dwell over it. Surprisingly, it didn't truly bother him when he was told that. He supposed it had to do with the old Jedi law, that they were not to seek out companionship.  
He wondered if all Jedi were like this, lacking a name on their wrist.  
Luke couldn't answer. Ben, like the obedient student he was, never pestered. 

He repeated this to his childhood friend shortly after being asked again if a name had bloomed yet. Poe's horrified face was confusing and out of character to Ben. Poe was normally so laid back about the topic. Maybe this is how everyone expected him to react.  
"It'll be alright," he assured Poe, "I don't mind living like my uncle." 

Alone.  
He felt the unspoken word taste bitter on his tongue.

"Ben," he breathed. He spoke soft and slow, "I have had your name written on my wrist since this past month."  
Ben froze. What? Impossible. He was not meant to bear a soulmate. why would they curse Poe with him?  
"Why didn't you tell me? Let me see!" He demanded. It sounded more like a plea.  
He might've lied to himself as well when he said he could live like Luke.  
Poe sat down beside him and slowly lifted his sleeve.  
'Ben Solo' was scribbled across Poe's wrist. The handwriting was scratchy and twisted. It was like a child was trying to learn cursive.  
"That's my handwriting."  
"That's your name!" Poe urged on to the more pressing issue. Ben didn't seem to care.  
"That's my name," he looked to Poe; realizing, "I'm your soulmate."  
Ben may not have a soulmate, but he was Poe's. Poe grinned. This Scenario turning a turn for the better.  
The big reveal didn't quite go as Poe initially planned. He never knew about the Skywalker Curse until then.  
But this was plenty enough for them both.  
"I'm your soulmate!"  
"You're my soulmate yes!"  
Ben pulled him for a kiss.  
Despite the curse of being a Skywalker, Ben was more than content. 

\----

"You know you can't turn back on this," Luke warned for what felt like the hundredth time that day.  
"I won't."  
"Nobody else can know."  
"They won't."  
"Not even Poe."  
Ben glared at Luke. Exactly how many times must they go over this?  
"I. know."  
Luke stared back with a furrowed brow and sighed.  
"I don't know what they will do with the information you give. You can only hold back so much."  
Ben listened silently as Luke gave the speech once more.  
"Are you sure you wish to do this?"  
Ben thought about it, just as he did every night.  
He would never see his mother's smile again. Never see the close friends he made while training under Luke. Poe would never share his warmth with him ever again  
"I'm sure."  
Because freeing all of those loved ones from this war is what really mattered to Ben.  
His mother would live the rest of her days in peace. The Jedi will flourish once more. Poe will be safe from the dangers of war.  
"Alright. You must leave before the first sun rises. There will be a small ship waiting at the edge of the landing. Do not hesitate."  
"Yes, Uncle."

That night, Ben smiled more to his mother. He argued less with his father, who unsurprisingly left before he could have a full conversation with him.  
He held Poe as tightly as he could through the night.  
"Aren't you just close tonight?" Poe teased As he curled tighter against the larger and warmer body. He was far from complaining.  
"I know something is bothering you, Ben. What's wrong?"  
Ben buried his nose in those curly locks. He relented as much as he could chance.  
"This war has so many different outcomes. It frightens me to know there's a high chance  
Many of us won't survive this."  
"Ben," Poe turned to face him, "I know it's hard. But you mustn't think like this. Just live in the now, okay?" Ben nodded, and kissed Poe's wrist, "just know that whatever choices I make, I love you."  
Poe hummed and lightly kissed Ben on his lips.  
"I love you," Ben repeated. Desperate eyes were hidden in the dark.  
"I Love you too, Ben."

He didn't stir as Ben left their bunker that late night with a much too heavy heart. 

\--

Poe jolted awake to gunfire and screaming.  
Ben's side of the bed was cold.  
Hundreds of bodies were as well.  
"How can he love me if he did this to us?" He would moan to himself at the end of it all. His tears joining in with thousands of others. 

\--

Ben- Kylo Ren grew extremely powerful over the next year with the empire. Poe witnessed that power himself as Kylo held stopped his laser blast from hitting its target.  
Poe was too angry to care who he was aiming for.  
He was strong in the interrogation room, strong enough to have to bring kylo Ren. Poe wondered how many times they had to use Ben for interrogation. He wondered if Ben actually enjoyed it. He tried to tug at the restraints again.  
"I didn't realize we had the best pilot on board"  
Right. Ben left before Poe began climbing up the ranks. Poe was more confused to know if this was an attempt at small talk before the torture.  
"Comfortable?"  
He was about to pull a snarky comment. It was easier to pretend that this figure wasn't his soulmate as the mask hid his face and distorted his voice.  
That changed when Kylo came closer and unleashed the latch to his left arm. Poe instantly tied to swing at anything, preferably the mask, but was still surprised by Ben's strength in the force when it was forced still. His knuckles were inches from the black metal.  
He struggled in vain as his arm was moved so his wrist pointed up. Gloved fingers pushed up the sleeve. Poe squirmed harder. He heard what sounded like a disgusted gasp under that mask. A low pitched groan. Poe felt disgusting as Kylo looked at his scarred wrist.

Shortly after Ben had left the Resistance, Poe felt betrayed, and he was. Along with many others as well. He found himself hating seeing that name on his wrist everyday. Leia had caught him trying to scratch it out one day with a pocket knife. He stopped shortly after. One does not get scolded by the General and walk away unchanged. Overtime, the large scars over the name remained. The name just legible if one would squint. Not that Poe gave anyone that chance. He tried to pull away from the tight hold.  
"You do not know how much I wish I could apologize for this," the distorted voice sighed.  
Kylo caressed it. At least, as much as a caress could be when the grip was still as strong. Poe couldn't flinch if he wanted.  
"I don't want anything from you. Not after what you did to us."  
He meant the resistance, but he knew Kylo caught the deeper meaning.

"....Good. Now, where is the droid?"

Kylo Ren is very powerful in the force, and Poe will say it was his sheer power that overcame him, but he knew he was weakened as soon as Ben let go of his wrist.  
He didn't even try to attack, the wrist just fell back to his side. The latch locking it self back to place. 

\---

He talked to Fin as he rose up from the medical unit. They said it wouldn't be too long for him to awaken, and Poe decided after day six that their definition of long was far different from his. It was even longer until Finn could finally stand on his own.  
"He's even more terrifying to me now that I'm not just another trooper." Finn admitted as he recalled the fight with Kylo. He trembled as Poe helped him walk across the room, his body still learning how to walk properly again.  
"You sure it's not because he sorta pummeled you?" Poe smirked.  
"Pretty sure Rey said that he's the one that left with more than a nasty scar on his face."  
Poe scoffed.  
"Good. Now he has a reason to wear a mask."  
Finn hesitated, "Do... I have anything?"  
"What?"  
"A scar?"  
"There's a gnarly one on your back," he said slowly, not sure if Finn truly wanted to know.  
"...Where's a mirror?"  
Poe helped him to the refreshing unit and was happy to see that Finn didn't seem to fazed about it. "Not too bad." "The medical droids did their best."  
\--

Finn lied on the ground, Poe stood over him with a familiar fondness.  
"I love this"  
"It's nice isn't it?"  
"I never want to go back."  
"You'll never have to," Poe promised and sat beside Finn.  
"So, do you have a soulmate?"  
"You mean the name that pops up on your wrist? I did for a while before they removed it."  
Poe jolted  
"Wait what?!"  
Finn sat up, confused.  
"They.. removed it? Here," he pulled up his right sleeve. A long black square covered where a name would've been.  
"Holy hell," Poe stared at it in part horror and part amazement.  
What a horrible thing to see done one someone like Finn! He would never know if his soulmate was right in front of him!.  
  
"Is it really that odd?" Finn pulled it down, feeling embarrassed.  
"I mean, I've never seen anything like that before, but.. I've heard of some doing it voluntarily. Did they even give you a choice?" "No. It was mandatory to have it removed as soon as it was shown. I never questioned it. Didn't even think to remember the name."  
  
They sat in silence for a moment.  
"Do you have one then?"  
Poe cringed. He assumed he would've been asked too.  
"Yeah."  
"Have you met them yet?" Finn looked up in excitement.  
"Yeah."  
He sat up excitedly, "who is it then?"  
Poe stalled.  
"I'd.. rather not talk about it," he blurted, "They're dead."  
"Oh," his eyes dropped, "Poe, I'm sorry."  
Poe shouldn't have felt so bad about lying. Although, it wasn't a complete lie. 

\--

It was a moment of weakness, he thought to himself.  
He was lying.  
It was really a moment of passion.  
Poe didn't realize how much he missed the company of another, lying next to another. Sharing each other's warmth. He moved closer, wishing to get rid of any trace of cold.  
Finn draped an arm around His waist, dipping his head and nuzzling into Poe's shoulder.  
"I don't really care for the name on your wrist," Finn murmured, "as long as you'll have me, I want to stay like this."  
Poe held his wrist tightly, though it was safely covered beneath a bandage he refused to take off, even during intimate moments.  
"After all that's happened, i feel like I'm still obliged to him," he admitted.  
It felt like pulling a knife out of a fresh wound. Finn pulled himself up by his elbows and brushed tears off Poe's cheek.  
"Hey, Poe don't beat yourself up over this. You can't keep beating yourself up over it." Poe felt his skin prickle when plush lips kissed his shoulder.  
"I know. You're right."  
They laid there. Poe sniffling, Finn comforting the best he could. 

Later in the night, maybe one in the morning, Finn began to get up to look around for water. It was hot on the planet they were currently residing in. He startled when Poe jolted awake. His hair was in disarray and his body was frigid. Finn quickly crawled back into the bed and let Poe curl up to him when Poe, with wet eyes begged, "Please don't go."

"I'm not leaving you," he soothed. He didn't let go until the shaking subsided.  
"Just, where do you keep the bottles? I'm thirsty. You're a terrible host."  
Poe let out a huff of amusement.

 

A week later, on another planet, Ben would watch as Poe's neat handwriting twisted along his wrist. Like Poe himself were writing it.  
He didn't know how to feel. Happy that it finally showed, or distraught as to what it might mean. Kylo Ren knew what it meant.  
He obliterated the computers that surrounded him instead of dwelling on it.  
Damn it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys for reading!  
> I like the whole Kylos a spy theory, but if its true (which is more than likely not) he's gonna fall to the dark side anyways.  
> Exposure and all that. Again this is a bunch of jumble from my gal awake head who thinks it's a great idea to post my headcannons on this site.  
> I know it's not perfect and could be improved.  
> But questions, comments and kudos are still appreciated!  
> Oh and criticisms are gnarly too! I love getting constructive criticism since this is still a sort of project of mine and not quite perfected.


End file.
